Watching your child struggle with anxiety can feel overwhelming, but you're not alone. Research shows that up to 7% of children experience significant anxiety that impacts their daily lives. The good news? Children can learn powerful self-soothing techniques that help them manage these overwhelming feelings, building resilience that lasts a lifetime.
Understanding Self-Soothing
Self-soothing is the child's ability to calm oneself, when anxious or overwhelmed. Though it may be tempting to immediately "fix everything" for your child, this type of teaching helps them develop emotional independence and confidence. Think of it as giving your child tools for her emotional toolbox-those they can use their entire life.
Signs Your Child May Need Support
- Physical symptoms: stomach aches, headaches, or tension
- Changes in behavior: becoming irritable or clingy
- Sleep disturbance: sleep onset or maintenance difficulty
- Avoidance of certain activities or situations
- Excessive worry about minor everyday activities
Key Self-Comforting Techniques
1. Breathing Exercises
Children are amazingly responsive to play breathing exercises. Try "balloon breathing" – have them place their hands on their belly and imagine inflating it like a balloon as they breathe in, then slowly letting the air out. For younger children, "bear breathing" works well – inhale for a count of three while pretending to smell flowers, then exhale for five while blowing out birthday candles.
2. Calming Strategies Using the Senses
Our senses can be very effective gates to relaxation. Make a "calm down kit" with:
- Something to touch: soft plush toys, especially warm ones
- Something to smell: safe, calm scents like lavender
- Something to see: calming pictures or a glitter jar
- Something to hear: soothing music or white noise
- Something to move: stress balls or fidget toys
3. Physical Release
Anxiety often triggers physical tension. Teaching kids these simple exercises helps:
- "Spaghetti arms": tensing and relaxing arms like stiff then soft noodles
- "Butterfly hugs": crossing arms and alternately tapping shoulders
- Basic yoga poses, such as child's pose or butterfly pose
- Gentle rocking or swaying movements
Designating a Peace Zone in the Home
Choose a corner in your house to use as a "peace zone." The "peace zone" should ideally incorporate the following:
- Comfortable chairs or cushions
- Dimmed or adjustable lights
- Accessibility to comfort objects
- A feelings chart or calming activity cards
- Toys such as Cuddles that heat up and provide soothing lavender smell
Teaching emotional awareness
Help your child become aware of their anxiety:
- Use the "feelings thermometer" to assess the level of anxiety
- Teach body scanning to find places they are feeling tense
- Create simple sentences for them to use to express their needs
- Validate their feelings but encourage techniques to cope
Development of Supportive Routines
Consistency gives children a sense of security. Incorporate the following components into daily routines:
- Morning check-ins to discuss any fears or concerns about the day
- After-school decompression time
- Regular physical activity
- Predictable bedtime routines that include calming activities
When to Seek Additional Support
While most children can learn how to self-soothe, others will require extra support. Consult professional help if :
Anxiety interferes significantly with daily life
Self-soothing strategies are not bringing relief following consistent practice
- Your child shows signs of depression or other concerns
- You notice significant changes in eating or sleeping patterns
Practical Tips for Parents
1. Model self-soothing: Children learn by watching. Practice calm-down techniques yourself.
2. Start small: Introduce one technique at a time to avoid overwhelming your child.
3. Practice during calm moments: Don't wait for anxiety to spike to teach new skills.
4. Celebrate progress: Acknowledge when your child successfully uses self-soothing techniques.
5. Consistency: It will take time, so expect to practice these skills regularly.
Building Long-Term Success
Remember that self-soothing is a skill developed over time. Some strategies that can help include:
- Keeping a simple diary of what works best for your child
- Using techniques that change with your child as they grow and their needs change
- Involving your child in choosing and customizing their calming tools
- Sharing successful strategies with other caregivers to develop consistency
Supporting your child through anxiety requires a great deal of patience, understanding and the appropriate tools. Teaching them to soothe themselves develops very essential survival skills for life, extending past childhood. Every child is unique – what may work for one may not work for another. The trick is finding a combination of techniques that helps the child feel secure and able to maneuver their anxiety.
Most importantly, you don't have to do this alone. Whether you just want to start some self-soothing activities or add to your arsenal, seeking support from family, teachers, or mental health professionals is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Remember: small steps lead to big changes. Implement these techniques today and watch your child grow in confidence and emotional resilience.
References and further reading:
https://www.savethechildren.org/us/charity-stories/easy-at-home-relaxation-activities-to-help-calm-kids
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8631539/
https://www.thepathway2success.com/calm-down-strategies-for-kids-and-teens/
Worksheets for kids to practice
https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/mindfulness-for-children
https://www.betweensessions.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Learning_to_Self_Soothe.pdf
https://anxietycoach.mayoclinic.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/Relaxation-for-Kids.pdf